That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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