What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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