Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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