the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
