I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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