I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You made out with two different species that night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
