I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
