i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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