My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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