Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
