the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
