Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
