While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Someone came in the potted fern
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
