Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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