Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I deserve this hangover.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
