Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
