Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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