why didn't you poke me back
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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