Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
