is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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