omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
