I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
