We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
