I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
