I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
