big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
