i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
