I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want nice things and good sex
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
