I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is the high leading the old right now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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