My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
