girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
