Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
