Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
