the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
