for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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