Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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