My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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