when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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