she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
