um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
