He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
