So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Boobs speak an international language.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
