Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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