i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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