if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
