and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dick very happy bro
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
