I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
