now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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