My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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