its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
