Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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