Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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