I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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