I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Randomize
